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Yesterday, Planet Earth played host to two NFL playoff games and the Golden Globes.

Lots of peeps were tweeting about these events (I even did when the Bears won). Some – who I cannot begin to comprehend – consta-tweeted them. Who are the consta-tweeters? They are the folks who cannot resist the urge to give us their play by play of an event, as if Ryan Seacrest, Chris Collinsworth, Kenny Albert and Jeannie Beker did not exist. They were everywhere yesterday.

Though I generally avoided checking my Twitter stream for fear of being overwhelmed by the consta-tweeters’ collective  genius, I admit that sometimes the urge/curiosity was too great. Confronting their tweets induced in me a state of utter befuddlement.

Here, then, are a few questions for the zillions of folks who take to Twitter and consta-tweet while an event is going down:

  1. Do you think if we’re watching the game/red carpet/dog and pony show we care about your real time opinion on someone’s dress, whether a penalty is just, or whether a player’s ass looks nice in tight pants?
  2. How is it you have time to tweet about every damn play/actress etc and actually watch the main event? Do you have six hands and 30 fingers?
  3. Do you enjoy the consta-tweeting or the main event more? It would actually seem many folks enjoy the former.
  4. Do you think that your consta-tweeting has any effect on the main event or others’ opinion of it?
  5. Is your attention span larger than that of a just-born gnat?
  6. Have you considered Ritalin?

Note for clarity – I am FULLY OK, with peeps tweeting every second of revolutions (a la Saffron, Orange, Jasmine or other). These things constitute a much different category than some starlet’s ugly ass gown.

Have a great week!

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