Editor’s note: the above was the headline of a press release I really wanted to send out over the web. Alas, the good folks at PRWeb would not let me on the grounds that it was nonsense. I get their position but I had fun writing it, and there’s merit to using lighter releases in any DIY PR program. I like (and highly recommend) PRWeb, but I kinda wish they’d have allowed for lighter stuff. I could have written some boring ass, corporate sounding release about a limited time discount on the course (BTW – there is no discount as this release never went out). However, I tried to make it a little different.
Anyway, the content of the release is below. And no, for you AP/CP style Nazis, I have not bothered to maintain style guidelines here (it is my blog, after all).
The image was drawn for me by the talented Laura Sirois.
Limited time discount on online DIY PR course for startups and small businesses provokes air assault by reindeer and buildup of elfin army
(Montreal, Quebec) – Reindeer rained wave after wave of sugar plum bombs on MakePR’s offices, as Santa’s elite Elfin Guard continued to gather at a nearby Metro Station for what looks like an inevitable ground assault on the company’s headquarters.
Santa’s rare display of bellicosity stems from anger about being shown up by the online PR course provider.
“I’m the gift guy, goddamit!” said Santa Claus from his North Pole redoubt. “Now this upstart, MakePR, is making me look bad. Their online course for startups and small businesses is chock full of value, cannot be built by elves in a sweatshop, and is too reasonably priced for me to compete.”
For years, Santa was the leading provider of Christmas presents to startup founders and small business owners. Alas, he’s fallen on hard times since the November launch of MakePR. The 8 part integrated program of study has given startups and small businesses the power to generate earned media coverage on their own, without the help (or cost) of PR pros. No part of the program was created by Santa or his elves (though many thought leaders from the worlds of PR and journalism make appearances).
“All we wanted to do was empower startups and small businesses with the techniques PR pros charge an arm and a leg for. Who knew Santa would get crazy and command his reindeer and elves to attacks our offices. Seems the fat guy is not all that jolly after all.” said a visibly shaken Jackson Wightman, creator of MakePR, from a hastily built sugar plum shelter.
Taking a page out of NATO’s bombing of Kosovo in the 1990s, Santa’s attack on MakePR began with a surgical air assault on December 10th. The preemptive airstrike coincided with rumours about MakePR’s decision to offer a Holiday discount for its online PR course.
“What the hell can I do?” said Wightman during a respite from the bombing runs.
“MakePR’s not a state, so the UN has told me to go to hell. The Canadian Army and Montreal police force have also said they’re loathe to repel an attack by Santa because he’s a global icon and kids love him. I get it! I’m in PR!”
Wightman promised to keep fighting the good fight on behalf of small businesses and startups who need alternatives to costly PR pros.
“We won’t be deterred by Santa, his much hyped elf army, or the fact that our office is buried under sugar plums. Similar to the Viet Kong, blows by a stronger opponent only harden our resolve. To this end, we’re offering a limited time promo code that is valid until December 15th. Startups and small businesses should go to www.makepr.net/register and enter the promo code ATTACKOFSANTA to save $100 bucks on the cost of the course,” said a defiant Wightman.
While there is no telling when MakePR’s offices will cave in under the weight of sugar plums, there is total certainty regarding the expiration of the significant discount on MakePR’s program for startups and small businesses. That happens December 15th.
For more information or to conduct an interview with MakePR’s founder Jackson Wightman please call (514) 605 9255. Hopefully he won’t have been cut down by elves.
(514) 605 9255
MakePR is a Montreal based company that teaches small businesses how to get media coverage without the help of high priced Public Relations professionals. Founded by Jackson Wightman, owner of Communications agency Proper Propaganda, MakePR endeavors to help small businesses save money and increase their revenues. Registration in MakePR’s 8 lesson, integrated program regularly costs $498, a fraction of the fees PR pros charge for just a month’s worth of work.