The Skeptic’s A to Z Guide to the Social Web

Ever read The Doubter’s Companion by John Ralston Saul? If not, give it a whirl.

I am not JRS, and cannot write near as eloquently as he. However, I work and play with social media, and sometimes I’m moderately jaded about the whole thing.

Maybe you are too? If so, you might enjoy the Skeptic’s A to Z Guide to Social Media:

A  is for awesome. This is the most over-used word on the social web. It needs to be sent to a glue factory. Fast.

B is for book. Lots of social media ninjas have written books. They tend to sound the same.

C is for companies. Many of them adopt social media thinking it will drive sales. They #fail. Often.

D is for dumb. The social web is full of dumb shit.

E is for expert. This used to be something that people assumed it took awhile to become. The social web has dramatically changed this.

F is Facebook. This company’s muscle lends credence to the notion that socially awkward nerds are the real power brokers on the social web.

G is for guru. Peter Drucker once said that guru was an easier way to spell charlatan. The social web suggests he was VERY right.

H is for happy. Lots of people on the social web have suggestions for how you can become happy at all times, even if sadness is an integral part of the human experience.

I is for ‘I’. Social media has given  a platform to people who like to begin most of their sentences with ‘I’.

J is for Jaiku. At one time, Social Media Jedis charged people money to attend webinars on this obscure, dead in the water, Twitter competitor. They claimed it was “sure to be the next big thing.”

K is for Klout. At one time this influence grading service suggested Justin Bieber had more sway than the American President. This despite the fact that Bieber never had access to nukes or Navy Seal teams.

L is for LOL, LMFAO and other such things. There was a time when we didn’t know what these things meant. Do you even remember what that was like?

M is for men. There are less of them on social media than women. This somehow makes plenty of sense. What doesn’t is the fact that a disproportionate number of social media gurus are male.

N is for Ning. This company learned that, on the social web, you get spanked if you give something away for free and then start charging for it.

O is for outside. Some say kids don’t go there as much as they used to. This may be partly because of the social web.

P is profits. When companies view social media as a panacea to driving them, things get hectic and heads roll.

Q is for Queen Elizabeth. Her family has a Twitter account, but they only follow one person (in fact one “house”).

R is for roar. Many CEOs do this when they see the lack of effect social media ninjas have on their bottom lines.

S is for save. Many badly run companies think social media can do this for them.

T is for Twitter. Try and explain this service to someone who does not know what it is. Damn hard to do.

U is unengaged. It’s what I become when a social media expert tells me to “engage”

V is for vanity. The social web has been the biggest enabler of vanity since the mirror.

W is for WTF! I find myself saying this a lot when I surf the social web.

X is for Xanax. Business owners need truckloads of this stuff after social media campaigns end up doing jack for their revenues.

Y is for Youtube. If you want to numb your brain, go and read the comments on this site. Guaranteed to make you dumber.

Z is for zap. The social web can (in a negative way) do this to your intelligence and productivity.

Have a great week!