11 things you might have been before you became a “social media expert”

You’ve come a long way baby!

You’re now an expert. A social media expert, in fact.

I bet Mom is beaming with pride.

Here are 11 things you might have been before you became a “social media expert”:

1. Living in a beat up, ’85 Pontiac Fiero  (It’s great your parents recently let you move into their woodshed. So much roomier!)
2. The employee of the month at McDonald’s (They don’t give that distinction to just anyone.)
3. Bernie Madoff’s intern (We’ve all gotta start somewhere.)
4. Unaware of what that “Twitter thing” was (Thank heavens you now know it’s a tool that “allows firms to leverage the power of conversation to achieve significant ROI and maximize shareholder value.”)
5. Really hot for iJustine (Oh, wait, that crush happened after you became a social media expert.)
6. Poor (Mind those economic cycle thingees, you could be again.)
7. Unemployable (If numbers 2,3 and 8 are wrong.)
8. A card-carrying member of the “International Brotherhood of Carnival Workers” (I know, the similarities between operating a Tilt-A-Whirl and managing a Facebook fan page are staggering.)
9. Considering a move to Castro’s Cuba because you hated the idea of anyone making money (Now you just yell a lot about how a Proletarian Revolution will “get that expensive Brogan guy.”)
10. Wondering if you’d ever get laid again (Cast your net wide in terms of the deities you pray to and it might happen this decade. After all, having sex in your folks’ woodshed is way easier than gettin’ busy in an ’85 Fiero)
11. “Acting” like a dumb guy on That 70’s Show (If this you, I’m guessing you also have a thing for chicks who, mysteriously, never seem to grow older despite the passage of time)

Have a great week!