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All the cool kids have viral videos these days.

“Golly-gosh-oh-gee where can I get me one of those cheap and awesome viral videos?” says your CEO.

“I got this,” you say, brimming with confidence.

Alas, your video receives 50 Youtube views in two months, throwing your CEO into a rage and you into deep doo doo. You need excuses!

Here’s 7 you can use:

7) Our video didn’t go viral because Anna Wintour and Andre Leon Talley went camping together and filmed their wilderness experience. How can we compete with two people wearing Jimmy Choos to roast marshmallows by a campfire?

6) Our video didn’t go viral because we hired a douchebag with a competency in “producing viral videos” to make the thing.

5) Our video didn’t go viral because the idea about an “impromptu” dance in a train station was two years late. Darn T-Mobile!

4) Our video didn’t go viral because Posh Spice smiled while eating a fudge brownie. It’s ALL OVER the internet!

3) Our video didn’t go viral because footage of you sitting at your desk issuing “calls to action” re buying the new product did not catch on with many internet using humans.

2) As we explained to you, after seeing the Kim Kardashian sex tape no one cared about a viral video featuring her sister Khloe pole dancing.

1) Our video didn’t go viral because now that W Bush is out of office, no one cares about “Barney” doing the chicken dance. Had we filmed BARbra Bush shakin’ her tailfeather things might have turned out better.

Happy Easter Monday!

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